Parenting is challenging. Add the ever-thinning work-life balance parents have to juggle and the messages they hear constantly from others or social media on the “right way” to parent and it can feel unbearable. That is why I have compiled a list of five keys, based on my personal and professional experience, to remember when parenting:
- Emotional Regulation. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to model self-regulation. When we are calm, we can use important skills such as decision-making, problem-solving, and critical thinking. If we can manage and regulate our own emotions, our own children will see this and imitate us. Ever wonder why your child has a tantrum when you’re feeling stressed and tired? Children feed off our energy; if you’re feeling stressed, they likely will be, too.
- Connect Before you Correct. We all have the need to feel heard, seen, and safe. Children are no exception. Children are more likely to listen to us if we first listen to them. A metaphor I like is in order to take from the piggy bank (e.g. give a command, set a rule, etc.), you need to first deposit some money (e.g. give praise, love, attention, etc.).
- Consistency and Boundary-Setting. Children are active explorers of their world and their number one job is to make sense of the world around them. As parents, it is crucial to create a safe environment for them by having empathy and providing support and guidance through the challenges they face.
- Promote Independence and Encourage Problem-Solving. Parents naturally feel the need to protect their children at all costs and shelter them from pain. However, sometimes this can become over-controlling and hinder their developing resiliency (a key life skill). A child may also assume we don’t trust their ability to conquer a challenge, impacting their confidence levels. Allow them to do things by themselves (within reason!) and provide opportunities for them to think through problems.
- Repair, repair, repair. We are human and make mistakes. You yelled at your child and now feel guilty about it because you didn’t remain calm. It is not the end of the world; we cannot be perfect. The most important thing is to repair. Acknowledge your mistake, apologize, and try again. Not only will this show your child you care, it will also model accountability to them. Rifts in relationships are inevitable; repair is the saving grace.
Parenting is challenging and arguably more challenging now than ever. There is no shame in receiving support or help. Parent consultation practices like ours aim to equip caregivers with tools grounded in developmental psychology, attachment theory, neuroscience, and compassion. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or simply want to broaden your parenting toolkit, consider meeting with a parent consultant here at Secure Roots. You don’t have to do this alone—and you shouldn’t have to.
Disclaimer
The blogs on our site are for informational and educational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a service relationship. If you are experiencing distress or mental health concerns, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis or need immediate support, call 911 or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.