In today’s climate, it can feel challenging to raise a child who is empathetic and kind in a world that can be so cruel. Yet we know empathy–the ability to understand and care about another’s emotions–is one of the most vital skills to develop. The good news is that there are simple and practical strategies that we can use as caregivers to our children, whether they are a toddler, preschooler, or school-aged. If you’re a parent in San Marcos or North County San Diego, these ideas can help you teach empathy and model kindness every day—and if you’d like more personalized support, our remote parent consultation services in California are here to guide you.
Two types of Empathy: Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy
The type of empathy that we should focus on teaching our kids is “cognitive empathy,” rather than “emotional empathy.” Melinda Wenner Moyer explained in her book, “Hello, Cruel World!”(2025) the problem with “emotional empathy” is that we can focus it on some people and not others. This can distort moral judgments in the same way that prejudices do (Moyer, 2025). Emotional empathy means when we see someone feeling sad or frustrated, we feel sad or frustrated too. Whereas, with cognitive empathy, it is the act of perceiving and understanding others’ feelings but not feeling those emotions. Cognitive empathy and emotional empathy are located in two different parts of the brain. Cognitive empathy helps us figure out how to best comfort someone and is less likely to evoke prejudice.
Why Cognitive Empathy Matters for Toddlers and School-Aged Children
Cognitive empathy and compassion create healthy relationships, stronger friendships, and builds emotional intelligence. Children who learn compassion early are often more cooperative in school and exhibit increased resilience when faced with challenges. Raising compassionate children also gives them lifelong socio-emotional skills that will benefit them in every facet of their lives.
Everyday Ways to Teach Empathy
- Be a Compassionate Parent
The way we treat our children influences the way they will treat others. If our children experience us as compassionate and sensitive, they will learn how to be compassionate and sensitive towards others. Further, research shows that secure attachments (consistent warmth and responsiveness) allow children to develop better emotional regulation skills. When we are calm, we are able to attune to those around us including their emotional states and needs.
- Talk to your kids about feelings–and give them space to express their own
Research shows that talking to kids about their emotions increases their empathy (Moyer, 2025). Try reading a book to your child and pause to talk about the character’s feelings. This increases their emotional literacy and sets a foundation for compassion. In addition, give them space to express their own feelings. They need to have a working knowledge of what a certain emotion feels like in order to know what kind of support that emotion requires.
- Encourage Perspective-Taking
Encourage your child to think of the other’s experience and be curious as to why that person responded the way they did. For instance, your child may come home really upset because a fellow moviegoer yelled at him to be quiet during the movie at the theatre. Ask your child why this might be, and think about it from the other’s point of view.
- Encourage your child to help from a young age
It can be frustrating when you’re in a cleaning rhythm and then your toddler wants to “help.” However, researchers explain that toddlers are often very excited to help and geared towards it; it just may be our reactions or discouragement that makes them lose interest in helping (Moyer, 2025). But these early experiences can be particularly helpful in gearing the child towards future helping. When kids feel useful, they continue to want to help, and start without being asked. Encourage collaboration and to think about how this help positively impacts the family unit as a whole.
Local Support for Parents
Having guidance that is specifically tailored to you and your family can be extremely beneficial. For parents in San Marcos and greater San Diego, Secure Roots Parent Consultation services offer practical strategies for teaching empathy and compassion at every stage of childhood. Whether you’re navigating toddler tantrums or school-aged sibling rivalry, a personalized session can help you raise kind and empathetic children.
The Takeaway
Teaching empathy doesn’t need to be challenging; it’s about everyday moments. By modeling kindness, labeling emotions, and encouraging helpful and compassionate acts, you can nurture compassionate, empathetic kids who will carry those skills for life.
Ready to explore strategies for your family? Book a parent consultation in San Marcos, CA and receive guidance to raise children who are kind, caring, and emotionally intelligent.
References
Wenner Moyer, M. (2025). Hello, cruel world!: Science-based strategies for raising terrific kids in terrifying times. W. W. Norton & Company.
Disclaimer
The blogs on our site are for informational and educational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this content does not establish a service relationship. If you are experiencing distress or mental health concerns, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis or need immediate support, call 911 or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.